You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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