if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
