I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
