Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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