omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
