My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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