You just made me feel so damn special
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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