there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
