you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
