Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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