I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
