I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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