Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
