She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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