Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
