from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
