She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
