wakey wakey hands off snakey
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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