Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
