On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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