Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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