No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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