Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
