Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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