i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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