We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
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he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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