I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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