i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
