I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
