Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
