Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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