Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
