I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
