He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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