it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
