While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
