you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
