Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
