I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize