So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
