i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
