Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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