Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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