There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
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Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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