so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
