so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Randomize
