hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
