is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
