if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
