and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
