wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
