Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
