I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You're like the curious george of whores
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
