oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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