two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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