and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
