so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
