Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
