I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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