We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
