Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
