I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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