Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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