dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
